Buhay America

Basically, my dad left me and my 5 siblings and my mother without  anything to start with.  But even though it’s tough life has to go on.  

My mother didn’t teach us to hate our father even though he did what he did to all of us, she still said that we should respect him.  I mean all of us are obedient and respectful with our mother so we have to honor her wishes.

When my oldest sister graduated from high school, she ask my mother’s permission to go to Manila to work for my father’s sister as maid.  She said she could make money and try to help out.  So my mother said yes.  When she was leaving with my Aunt in Manila she just learned that my father also residing in the same vicinity.  So she found out that my father has a new wife.

She was so angry and told my mother in the letter to go to Manila.  I was 14 at that time, so we pack and off we went.  The first time in 6 years that I’ve laid eyes on my father, I was so angry and I was so confused, because I felt that I miss him too.  So he hug me and I just started wailing and just tears come down like there’s no more water in the ocean.

Then he said he was sorry and he’s going to be in touch from now on.  I mean my dad is leaving a good life, with jewelries and with money, he goes overseas to work for a year and come back with tons of money.  I felt that every one in my family deserve a piece because it’s his responsibility.

We started corresponding and he’s giving us some support, and I just wish that my family could be whole again.  Forgive and forget could be the remedy.  My mother is entirely open to that.

Then I graduated high school and he was with me, I was proud.  I guess sometimes dreams really do come true.

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In my town there are these people that we call NPA (national people’s army) they basically rebels. They do stuff that you don’t want to be done to you or your family.  They could just make you disappear without any trace.  

When I was 8 years old my dad told my mother that he is wanted by NPA, and he is very scared and wanted to hide from them so all of us will be safe.  So my mother not knowing what to do told him to go to Manila where my dad’s sister live and stay there for a while, and come back when the commotions are over.

And that was the last time I ever saw my dad.  Isn’t it so lousy?? He just left my mother with 6 children and the youngest being 6 months old, without money without anything.  No promise to come back or just no conscience at all.  I HATED my dad for that! 

I remember my two oldest sisters, they have to go and work as a maid with my aunts so they could go to school and so my mother doesn’t need to worry about how to feed all of us.  My mother was left with four kids, I was the one who is the oldest 8 years old is very old I guess.  

I started working when I was 8, helping my mother how to get food to put in the table and how to survive everyday living.  We sell sweets (kalamay), we go houses to houses to rent comics and magazine, we sell banana queue in the afternoon.  I remember those days, that is a lot of work. But we got to do what we have to do to survive.

I prayed that someday my family could be whole again.  I pray for my little brother ’s health, my little sister’s doll that they wanted and my two sisters to have strong faith and be able to do what they have to do to go to school.

I remember having to buy 1/4 kilo of pork and slice it in little pieces so all of us could taste some.  Beef they only sell it on saturdays but some saturdays we don’t have money for it, so we have to wait for another saturday to come. Some times we have to really put a lot of soup in our food so it would look like it has a lot. 8 years old, I already know how to cook, take care of my baby sister and how to make money only little though.

We go to bed lined up, like sardines without bed all in the floor.  When it’s really cold we have to squeeze together.  I remember seeing my mother looking over us when we were sleeping and she is just crying. I still don’t understand all that happened.  

Remembering these times in my life make me want to cry and hold my mother so tight and tell her how I love her so much for not giving up and for making us very strong individual.  Happy mother’s day Nanay!

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When I was in 1st grade, I am very very popular due to my status in the town.  We have good reputation.  My dad is really good with us and providing the best that he can.  I remember having a nanny, I remember having play time, nap time, home work time and fun time.  I remember our house to be huge and lots of appliances, we have a nice sectional sofas and we have a big refrigerator with lots of things inside it.

Being the daughter of my dad makes me so proud.  One day in my classroom the teacher is teaching us how to draw.  So we have to bring out all our pencils and bond paper.  I remember her name Mrs. Grepal, she is my advisor and she is the one teaching us everything.  So she said turn to page 10 and look at the different kinds of things that we could pick out what to draw.

So I looked at all the pictures and see what I can do.  The first one was flower, I scribbled some thing in the paper but that doesn’t even come close in looking like the flower in the book.  So I crumpled my paper and got another one.  I look for another thing to draw, I saw a glass and decided to draw it.  I tried to do the best that I can but for some reason I am not good in drawing, so I am getting so frustrated this time the glass that I am trying to draw doesn’t even look any thing like it.  So I am getting so angry and crumpled up my paper again.  

I took one paper one more time and look for another picture to draw.  I saw a hand with a shadow, so I thought I could draw the hand because I could trace my own hand.  Then i got so excited. Finally I could actually get my work done with good grades.  I started tracing my hand in the paper and it came out good.  I am beginning to be so excited and very proud that I could actually draw.  Then I ran into some problem, I cannot do the shadow.  The shadow has like some dark color and some part has lighter color.  So I got so confused and didn’t know what to do next, so I tried to trace one more time to do the effect of the shadow but it just ruined my drawing.  Now I am the only pupil that doesn’t have anything done, so I just started crying.  I remember just crying and crying, my teacher just panicked and asked one of the students to call my parents since we live close by.

So my dad rush to the school and asked me why I am upset.  I cannot even explain, because I was just wailing.  I just cry even harder when I saw my dad because I know I am protected and I cannot be scolded by my teacher if I didn’t finish the drawing.  My teacher sent me home that day.

Yes I know!  I am not artist.  Can’t even draw any thing.  You know what the funny part is…. I am the first honor of my class.  I can’t draw but I’m good in most of the subjects.

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When I was 5 or 6 years old, we are living in Batangas, Philippines.  We have a nice house and I could remember me and my sisters have the aerobics time with our friends together.  We play the musice “Let’s get physical” while dancing and really get down on our knees and make sure we are getting physical.  Those were the days that I could remember being really sweaty.

One day my dad brought home a puppy.  I couldn’t remember the name of our puppy for the life of me. Any way, the puppy is really really cute and adorable and really wanted to play every minute and every second of the day.  I remember the puppy having black spots and he seem to look like a dalmatians.  Well, the puppy like to lick my hand and fingers because I always eat something.

One morning, I was eating a bread and the puppy start to bark, it seemed like it wanted to play with me or just wanted the food.  I was so loving to this puppy so I thought he will be playing and I will give him some of my bread, but the dog didn’t waited for me to give it to him, he just jump as high as where my hand that holds the bread and just rip out the bread out of my hand, in the process of him getting the bread, I got beaten.

In the Philippines you don’t need your puppies  to have rabies shots.  So I got beaten and I didn’t know what hit me.  But just a kid having fun with the puppy I ignored the pain and didn’t say anything.  At the end of the night, I had fever and am shaking like I have epilepsy.  And my mother told me that I turned purple and they got scared and rush me to the nearest hospital.  So the doctor ask all the questions and one of the questions was “do you have a dog” and they said yes we just had a puppy.  The doctor said, “your daughter got beaten by the dog and had rabies.

So all is well after that incident happened, my dad gave the dog away because I almost died on that incident.  Some weird thing though I have been beaten by dogs for almost 20 times and it’s not fun.  I am so terrified every time it happened.  Specially when the dog just jumps on you and just bite you where ever they can.

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Some people really doesn’t notice that I have a scar in between my eyes where eye brows met in the middle. I will tell you how I got that.

When I was 6-7 years old, our house is big with big store, like retail style.  But the flooring is still earth, not cemented or not floored properly.  So the soil is very hard and very rocky sort of.  So we have a wooden bed that my mom was sitting faced away from me.  So I climbed to her back and I wanted to play horsy horsy.  She just let me and I was enjoying it so much, but my grip is slipping, so it slipped and I fell on the floor head first.

My mom was turned away and all she just heard was a big noise and me on the floor not even conscious.  My mom told me the story after I wasn’t conscious.  She said that she could see the bone in my head and thought I had a concussion, they put some ammonia so I would wake up and they just panicked.

When I wake up, I have a big bandage in between my eye and my mother told me not to take off those bandages.  One week later, it started to itch, so I itched it and itched it, until all the scab was all gone and my mother told me that you will have scar on that now because you didn’t wait until the wound is healed before you remove all the scab.  So I did. LOOK!! Isn’t it ugly?

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When I was 3-5 years old, I attended a kindergarten school or here you call it a pre-school.  It was awesome when I attended you want to know why? because we had free lunch and free snacks, you sleep for the whole day and you play for the whole afternoon.  And best of all it was all for FREE!

I remember being dropped off at the little room and waited for everyone to come in.  My teachers name is Sister Ana, I can’t remember her last name.  She works for World Vision.  It’s an organization that help out families that have kids that can’t go to school.  Then find sponsors here in the US and pay for their schooling. Well on my kinder years I didn’t need help yet due to my father working overseas to support the family.  We were rich during those times.  Life is good, got nannies and maids, my mom doesn’t even need to cook or clean or laundry.

Those were one of the fondest memories of my childhood. I wish I could relive those days.  When everything is so simple, all I have to worry about is eat, sleep, bath, poop, and play.  Why do I need to grow up.

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When i was one year old my mother gave another birth to my brother Norman, he was named after the doctor who actually delivered him.  I guess my mother got scared of what happened to my birth so they went to the hospital.

I was so young to remember this so my two older sister was the one who told me about my brother.  When he was 6 or 7 months old he already started walking, same as me I guess we really need to get out of the house and play outside.  Then he is like a very very hard to deal with and my sisters have a hard time to baby sit him. They told me that this kid was amazing, he will eat by himself and after wards he will bang his head on the wall, for no apparent reason.  Or sometime he will just eat anything that he lays his hands on.  

So I guess he got sick and he was hospitalized back and forth.  Then he died of meningitis.  Horrible time in our family because my brother is the only boy in the family.  Also with parents burying your own child is like a death sentence.  They arrange the wake and the funeral, on the day that he was about to be buried my mother picked him up and she wanted to get out of the place and wanted to just run with him.  My mother seemed not herself during this time and she doesn’t want my brother to be buried she wanted him to be taken home and be alive again. My sister’s said that my mother was kicking and screaming on top of her lungs and asking God why? why her boy? why this happened?

I can’t really remember this event happening because I was so little but when I heard it straight from my sister’s I feel so awful and I wish I was there to console her and tell her that everything will be alright.  Losing a family member is very tough. 

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I was born in Limay, Bataan Philippines on August 14, 1975.  I am the third of six children, My mom don’t go to hospitals when giving birth.  She gave birth at home with the help of uncertified nurses (manghihilot).  So, When my mom was about to gave birth to me, she said to the lady that she wanted to deffacate, and when my mother was about to go to the bathroom she said Oh my God it’s the head of the baby.  She said she literary have my head almost going in the toilet good thing that she felt it was a big dump… I know!

So my mother hurriedly went to the bed and started pushing and pushing and one more push I saw the light.  The lady gave me a big slap in the butt and I just wailed out so loud you won’t even believe.  I guess you would yell too if you knew you were about to be flush in the toilet. hmmp

My mother forgot to tell me how little I was I don’t really know the exact weight but she said I could fit in a shoe box I said how big is the shoe box?  She said it’s your sister’s shoe box.  Well my sister is only 4 years old so I can’t really imagine how small that was. So anyways nothing change I am still small and I am trying to gain weight but no avail I guess.  So one more last hope for me to gain weight is for me to have a baby.  Maybe that would help me gain a little bit of weight.  Right now I weigh 85 lbs. I wanted to weigh at least 105-115 that would be perfect for me I guess.

So that is the story of my birth.  My friend just gave birth and she said it really feels like she is about to deffacate.  So I guess I can’t really blame my mom.

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